eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
