Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
