Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
