Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
