And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
