I faked an abortion last night.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
