shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
