Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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