Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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