i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
