Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
