meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
