do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
In other news, I just burned my penis
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
