I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
