i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
