Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
