eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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