are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
