sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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