Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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