God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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