My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am mentally ready for anal.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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