i already hear my dad disowning me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
