So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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