Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
