I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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