Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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