You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
