Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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