I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
