thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
