After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
