you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
