Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
