Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
