I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
