She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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