Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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