Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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