I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
