so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
