:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
