Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
