This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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