New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
