im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Pants are for mortals
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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