Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
