from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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