I wish my penis had an off switch
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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