I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
