New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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