i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
