why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
