I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
